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Apr 06

Posts: 667

BEXI says:

friday funies

Best toast of the night

John O´Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here´s to spending the rest


me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best

toast of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here´s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church

beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John´s drinking buddies on the



The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other


at the pub, with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You


he´s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell


and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

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  • Posted 8 years ago (15 June 2007 16:40)

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Nov 05

Posts: 1464

evlcatnw says:

arf arf

pmsl... nice one bex :lol:

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Feb 05

Posts: 67

wiznyme says:


A Scot Is Drinking In A Southampton Bar....He gets a call on his cell phone.

He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Scot just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Scottish baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Scot returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Scottish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?

Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you...
so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled & concerned. "What happened? He already weighed
25 pounds the day
he was born."

The Scots father takes a slow swig from his Orkney Dark Isle Real Ale wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says,

"We had him circumcised".

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May 07

Posts: 10

marshy03 says:

This is topical

Michael Barrymore was asked today if he was interested in doing Pantomime this year , he declined the offer because he did Alladin 6 years ago and has regretted it ever since !!!! :shock::shock::laugh::laugh:

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Mar 07

Posts: 3215

Boult says:

From next week

Viagra will have to be referred to by its NEW pharmaceutical name -



..... mycoxafloppin.....:lol:

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May 07

Posts: 166

seansand says:


I know a bloke who took viagara but unfortunately it got stuck in his throat. He was off work 2 weeks with a stiff neck.

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May 07

Posts: 166

seansand says:

viagara 2

The NHS have begun prescribing viagara and cocoa at nighttime to old blokes in hospital. The cocoa sends em to sleep and the viagara stops them rolling out of bed.

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May 07

Posts: 86

LittleMike says:

Talking of knowing a guy who took viagra...

It's not a joke, but his willy burst... :huh:  The bruise from it was huge!  Couldn't get a stiff on for ages.

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