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wackjonny

Joined:

Jul 08

Posts: 872

wackjonny says:

JOKES OF THE DAY over 18's only

Dustman calls to collect Dustbin. He knocks on the door and a Chinese man comes out. Where’s your bin...? Chinese man says I bin in the bedroom, Dustman says No where is your dust bin, Chinese man says I just told you I Dust bin in the bedroom. Dustman says NO where is your wheelie bin, Chinese man say ok I wheelie been having a wank.

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  • Posted 6 years ago (04 September 2008 12:21)

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norfolknchance

Joined:

Aug 05

Posts: 1694

.

Tony: I heard you got married again, Mike.
Mike: Yes, for the forth time.
Tony: What happened to the first three wives?
Mike: They all died.
Tony: I'm sorry, I didn't know. That's terrible. How did they die?
Mike: The first ate poisonous mushrooms.
Tony: How awful! What about the second?
Mike: She ate poisonous mushrooms.
Tony: Oh no. What about the third? Did she die from poisonous mushrooms too?
Mike: No, she died of a broken neck.
Tony: I see, an accident?
Mike: Not exactly - she wouldn't eat her poisonous mushrooms

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leopardboy

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 21

leopardboy says:

very old farmer joke

farmers' son gets married, they're short of money so the neighbour offers them his barn for their honeymoon. They rush in stripping as they go and slam the door behind them...

four days later the farmer shouts through the door

'you alright in there?

'yes we're fine ta!

'just thought I'd better check, there's no food in there and you've not come out for four days

'we're living on the fruits of our love' they shout

'well would you mind not throwing the skins out of the window, my chickens keep choking on em':biggrin:

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tim1b

Joined:

Jun 06

Posts: 455

tim1b says:

.

.

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norfolknchance

Joined:

Aug 05

Posts: 1694

Jacqui Smith's expenses

are once again under scrutiny after she was found to have claimed £130 for medical expenses.

Apparently the money had been spent on viagara for her husband. The £30 spent on paper bags has been also been refunded.

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stick1

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 33

stick1 says:

strings

A woman is in the chemist when she notices a huge display of tampon boxes with a sign that says "three for a pound" That's cheap she says to the assistant, what's the catch? None, three for a pound no strings attached.

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deemax

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 28

deemax says:

a man with a black eye

boards a plane & notices the man next to him has a shiner too. first man says how did you get that? second man says, instead of asking the big breasted girl for 2 tickets to pittsburgh, i askedfor 2 tickets to tittsburgh ist man says i got mine like that too.i wanted to say to my wife ,pour me a bowl of frosties please: but i accidently said you ruined my life you fat cunt:lol:

 

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deemax

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 28

deemax says:

how are fat girls & mopeds alike

they re both fun to ride until your mates find out

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deemax

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 28

deemax says:

murphy visits paddy

who has a broken leg. paddy says me feet are freezin could you nip upstairs & get me my slippers: no bother says murphy. upstairs ,paddys stunning19 yr old twin daughters are sitting on their bedhello girls your dad sent me upstairs to shag you both fuck of you liar: they said, i:ll prove it says murphy, so he shouts downstairs both of them pat? : of course whats the point of just fuckin one 

 

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leopardboy

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 21

leopardboy says:

docter docter

bloke goes to doctor with painfull gonads, doctor says your tackle's got to be amputated!

Bloke says 'aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!

Doc says don't panic, we do transplants - but there's a 2month waiting list and your tackle needs to come off now. so we've found a baby elephants trunk makes a good substitute.

surgery...

2months pass..

doc rings up bloke says right we've got donor organ here

bloke says no way! I'm sticking with the trunk - I can play football with it, wash the car with it, and I look shit hot in a pair of speedo's

doc says ok - but have you found any side effects of having this elephants trunk attached?

bloke says well there's one -

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leopardboy

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 21

leopardboy says:

doctor doctor

when I go shopping and get to the bread aisle, it unzips the fly, reaches out and tries to shove a sticky bun up my arse!

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