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wackjonny

Joined:

Jul 08

Posts: 872

wackjonny says:

JOKES OF THE DAY over 18's only

Dustman calls to collect Dustbin. He knocks on the door and a Chinese man comes out. Where’s your bin...? Chinese man says I bin in the bedroom, Dustman says No where is your dust bin, Chinese man says I just told you I Dust bin in the bedroom. Dustman says NO where is your wheelie bin, Chinese man say ok I wheelie been having a wank.

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  • Posted 7 years ago (04 September 2008 12:21)

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stick1

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 33

stick1 says:

strings

A woman is in the chemist when she notices a huge display of tampon boxes with a sign that says "three for a pound" That's cheap she says to the assistant, what's the catch? None, three for a pound no strings attached.

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deemax

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 28

deemax says:

a man with a black eye

boards a plane & notices the man next to him has a shiner too. first man says how did you get that? second man says, instead of asking the big breasted girl for 2 tickets to pittsburgh, i askedfor 2 tickets to tittsburgh ist man says i got mine like that too.i wanted to say to my wife ,pour me a bowl of frosties please: but i accidently said you ruined my life you fat cunt:lol:

 

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deemax

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 28

deemax says:

how are fat girls & mopeds alike

they re both fun to ride until your mates find out

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deemax

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 28

deemax says:

murphy visits paddy

who has a broken leg. paddy says me feet are freezin could you nip upstairs & get me my slippers: no bother says murphy. upstairs ,paddys stunning19 yr old twin daughters are sitting on their bedhello girls your dad sent me upstairs to shag you both fuck of you liar: they said, i:ll prove it says murphy, so he shouts downstairs both of them pat? : of course whats the point of just fuckin one 

 

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leopardboy

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 21

leopardboy says:

docter docter

bloke goes to doctor with painfull gonads, doctor says your tackle's got to be amputated!

Bloke says 'aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!

Doc says don't panic, we do transplants - but there's a 2month waiting list and your tackle needs to come off now. so we've found a baby elephants trunk makes a good substitute.

surgery...

2months pass..

doc rings up bloke says right we've got donor organ here

bloke says no way! I'm sticking with the trunk - I can play football with it, wash the car with it, and I look shit hot in a pair of speedo's

doc says ok - but have you found any side effects of having this elephants trunk attached?

bloke says well there's one -

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leopardboy

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 21

leopardboy says:

doctor doctor

when I go shopping and get to the bread aisle, it unzips the fly, reaches out and tries to shove a sticky bun up my arse!

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wackjonny

Joined:

Jul 08

Posts: 872

wackjonny says:

=}

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name.":lol:                                                          :lol:

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

TWO DOCTORS

Just had sex,  He say's to here "You must be a surgeon because you washed your hands before and after"  She replies "You must be an Anaesthetist because I did'nt feel a fucking thing"...:shock:

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wackjonny

Joined:

Jul 08

Posts: 872

wackjonny says:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."

The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.":tongue:

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used2bfast

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 4227

used2bfast says:

Man goes to prostitute

I've only got a fiver, he says. Oh well, never mind, she takes the fiver. Lets get on with it. The man shoves and thrutches but he can't get his knob in. He makes one last heroic attempt, and geronimo - he's in.

When he finshes, he says "Jesus, if I knew you were a virgin, I'd have given you a tenner" she says "if I knew you had a tenner - I'd have took me tights off!  :lol:

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