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wackjonny

Joined:

Jul 08

Posts: 872

wackjonny says:

JOKES OF THE DAY over 18's only

Dustman calls to collect Dustbin. He knocks on the door and a Chinese man comes out. Where’s your bin...? Chinese man says I bin in the bedroom, Dustman says No where is your dust bin, Chinese man says I just told you I Dust bin in the bedroom. Dustman says NO where is your wheelie bin, Chinese man say ok I wheelie been having a wank.

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  • Posted 7 years ago (04 September 2008 12:21)

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norfolknchance

Joined:

Aug 05

Posts: 1694

.

In his appearance in the documentary about alzheimers disease, Terry Pratchett was quoted as saying:

"What the fuck is that camera doing here?"

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

BRITISH RAIL

Are at it again..............

The sign said ,if Istood too close to the edge I might get sucked off.......

 

Four fucking hours I wasted....:tongue:

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Irwin

Joined:

Apr 09

Posts: 202

Irwin says:

DOCTOR RINGS

Doctor rings the husband of a patient and explains your wife is here and I am afraid there has been a mix up with her test results, so we dont know if she as got Alzheimers or Aids the man replies, what the hell am I surpose to do then? the doctor answers I am going to put her on the wrong bus, if she finds her way home dont fuck her.:laugh:

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vader8me

Joined:

Feb 06

Posts: 83

vader8me says:

A week in Hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: 'Why so glum?'

Guy: 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'

Satan: 'Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a
drinking man?'

Guy: 'Sure, I love to drink.'

Satan: 'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do
is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We
drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to
worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.'

Guy: 'Gee that sounds great!'

Satan: 'You a smoker?'

Guy: 'You better believe it'

Satan: 'All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from
all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie,
you're already dead, remember?'

Guy: 'Wow...that's awesome!'

Satan: 'I bet you like to gamble.'

Guy: 'Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.'

Satan: 'Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps,
blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't
matter, you're dead anyhow.'

Guy: 'Cool!'

Satan: 'What about drugs?'

Guy: 'Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?'

Satan: 'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big
bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do
all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares.'

Guy: 'Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

Satan: 'You gay?'

Guy: 'No...'

Satan: 'Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough...'

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KWAKZ750S

Joined:

Aug 08

Posts: 514

KWAKZ750S says:

German plumber

Norfolknchance,  i have to say i found that highly offensive,  one of my relatives actually died in Auscwitz.

 

He fell out of his watchtower!

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Boult

Joined:

Mar 07

Posts: 3215

Boult says:

.

Elephant said to the camel why do you have 2 boobs on your back? Camel replied back thats a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a Dick on their head !

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

LAP DANCING

Three lads in a lap dancing club were watching a buxom blonde gyrating around the pole. The lad from Swansea stuck a £20 note on her left buttock, Not to be out done The lad from Cardiff stuck £30 on her right buttock.The Merthyr lad (seeing this) swiped his visa card down the crack of her arse and took the £50 cash back...:shock::tongue:

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

Headaches

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained,as usual, "I've got a headache!"    "perfect" her husband say's, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed asprin, you can take it orally or as a suppositry, it's up to you"  :tongue::shock:

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THEAK

Joined:

Jul 08

Posts: 1448

THEAK says:

mobile

lol  lol    there's one I've never heard before  :lol: That was good!

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

Theak..

Glad you liked it, that's what these forum's SHOULD be all about, having a laugh and a bit of friendly banter, not the crap that SOME of our not so friendly members keep posting every day,that bores me.  :winkie:  I've got plenty more jokes to post,but not today we are going out with friends shortly so bye for now.:winkie:

  JC.

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