Skip to content

General Time to start a new 'Jokes' thread Pub Talk - over 18s only

You are in... Forums > General > Pub Talk - over 18s only > Time to start a new 'Jokes' thread

Got something to say?

Got something to say?

Go to most recent reply

mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

Time to start a new 'Jokes' thread

Since the old one is now full of blank pages.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Best chat up line of 2011 as voted for by loose women

"I might only have a small dick but I can lick the crumb's from the bottom of a Pringles tin"  :tongue:

Reply to this Topic  
  • Posted 4 years ago (26 February 2011 16:47)

Post a message in Pub Talk - over 18s only

Fields marked with an asterisk * are required

   

Please note. You cannot submit more than 4000 characters as a message.

Upload image(s) from your computer (up to 3 images)

  1.  
  2.  
  3.  

Terms of use

Use of our community areas and forums is subject to important terms of use. By joining our community and using the features you agree to be bound by these terms. See terms of use below. 

Cancel
ulsterflyer

Joined:

Jun 10

Posts: 149

ulsterflyer says:

ice cream

an ice cream van just drove past advertising any flavour u can think of i asked for a minge flavour cornet after the first lick i said to the ice cream man this tastes like shit  take shorter licks he repleid

Reply to this Topic
ulsterflyer

Joined:

Jun 10

Posts: 149

ulsterflyer says:

a woman

a woman goes to the doctor an says everytime i take my bra of a black man pops up between my tits pulling stupid faces doc says you must have sillycoon implants 

Reply to this Topic
ulsterflyer

Joined:

Jun 10

Posts: 149

ulsterflyer says:

teacher

teacher say to class make me a sentence using the word dough little jane raises her hand in italy they make pizza using specail dough very good says teacher mary says my little brother makes dinosaurs out of play dough excellent says teacher little jake raises his hand  our mum says dad is a crap shag so she uses a dill dough

Reply to this Topic
RogerRSV

Joined:

Jul 09

Posts: 306

RogerRSV says:

I was deeply disturbed.......

when my ex-wife committed suicide. She got up in the middle of the night and shot herself..............all that noise and the lights left on made it impossible to get back to sleep.

Reply to this Topic
mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

borrowed from another forum

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with
to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in
the face. The father realizes that the boy has
swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the
back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p coins, but is still
choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking,
shouting for help.

A well-dressed, attractive and serious-looking
woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the
coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a
cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up,
puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the
newspaper, places it on the counter, gets
up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried,
across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls
down his pants, takes hold of the boy's
testicles and starts to squeeze and twist,
gently at first and then ever so firmly ...
tighter and tighter !!!
After a few seconds, the boy convulses
violently and coughs up the last of the
10p coins, which the woman deftly catches
in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands
the coin to the father and walks back to her
seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered
no ill effects, the father rushes over to the
woman and starts thanking her saying:
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that
before ! It was fantastic ! Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied . . . . . . .






"I'm with the Inland Revenue. "  :tongue:

Reply to this Topic
mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

.....

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at the Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside shouts out,,,"Im not dead...let me out....let me out?
to which the vicar says with a smile on his face,,,,,
"Too late pal,,,,the paperworks already fooking done!"...:lol:

Reply to this Topic
RogerRSV

Joined:

Jul 09

Posts: 306

RogerRSV says:

Last Saturday night...........

I was watching a programme with that Simon Cowell hosting it - halfway through there was a group of girls with tight leotards on girating themselves around and as I sat there cracking one off I thought to myself 'Britain really has got talent'.

Reply to this Topic
Yamark69

Joined:

Feb 12

Posts: 201

Yamark69 says:

A boy

A young boy goes up to his Dad and asks 'Dad, what's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?'

The Dad ponders the question and says 'Follow me son'

He takes his son up to the bedroom where his wife is asleep and lifts the quilt. Pointing he says 'See that son? Thats a pussy'.

The boy looks and says 'Can I touch it?'

Horrified the Dad says 'No son you can't do that because you will wake the cunt up'

Reply to this Topic
sgt61

Joined:

Nov 05

Posts: 1124

sgt61 says:

my wife....

walked into the bathroom and caught me masturbating for the second time in a week,

Am I not enough for you, what am I doing wrong she asked,

Tell me what to do so this doesn't happen anymore she said,

I said "try fucking knocking next time"

Reply to this Topic
mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

Women

A man was driving down a country road, A woman was also driving down the same country road but in the opposite direction, as they passed each other the man shouts out of his window "FUCKIN BIG FAT COW".... the woman replies "FUCKIN WANKER".... as the woman rounds the next bend she crashes her car into a cow and was killed outright.....










































The moral to this story is : If only women would fookin listen. :nono:blink:

Reply to this Topic

Page

Compare Insurance

Save money by comparing quotes. It's quick and easy

Motorcycles for sale

 

It's only £13.99 to advertise your motorcycle on MCN

Sell your Motorcycle

Motorcycle pricing tool

New! Find used bike prices