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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

Time to start a new 'Jokes' thread

Since the old one is now full of blank pages.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Best chat up line of 2011 as voted for by loose women

"I might only have a small dick but I can lick the crumb's from the bottom of a Pringles tin"  :tongue:

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  • Posted 4 years ago (26 February 2011 16:47)

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

Siamese cat

My misses wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat but my mate told me not to bother because they were too expensive, so I bought two ordinary cats from the pet shop and glued their heads together with superglue.... :nono

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RogerRSV

Joined:

Jul 09

Posts: 309

RogerRSV says:

Coconuts.

I really should speak with someone about my sexual fetish with coconuts.


I'm just feeling a little shy at the moment though.

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ulsterflyer

Joined:

Jun 10

Posts: 149

ulsterflyer says:

french man

a rural frenchman was on trail for killing his wife after finding her with a neighbour, when asked why he shot her instead of her lover he said is not better to shoot a  woman once than a different man every week

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ulsterflyer

Joined:

Jun 10

Posts: 149

ulsterflyer says:

love

a couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word after an argument earlier an neither of them wanted to concede their position . as they passed a barnyard of mules goats and pigs the husband says relatives of yrs  yep says the wife says yes    in laws

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ulsterflyer

Joined:

Jun 10

Posts: 149

ulsterflyer says:

who has arthritis

a drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a train next to a priest the mans tie was stained had lipstick on his face an a half empty bottle of gin in his coat pocket , he open his paper an starts reading it  after a few minutes he turns to the priest an asked  father do u know what causes arthritis , the priest say my son its caused by loose living,being with cheap, wicked woman too much alcohol,contempt for yr fellowman ,sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath the drunk says i,ll be dammed then returns to reading his paper the priest thinking about what he said nudged the man and apologized am very sorry i didnt mean to come on so strong how long have u had arthritis i dont have it father said the drunk i was just reading here that the pope does

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babyrocket

Joined:

Aug 11

Posts: 3746

babyrocket says:

bliss

After three days, the hotel manager banged on the door of the honeymoon suite.
"Are you okay in there? You haven't left your room since you checked in."
"Oh, we're fine thanks," called the groom through the still closed door. "We don't need anything."
"What are you living on?"
"The fruits of love," giggled the newly-wed bride.
"Well, that's all well and good," replied the manager, "but can you please stop throwing the skins out of the window - they're choking my chickens."

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Yamark69

Joined:

Feb 12

Posts: 201

Yamark69 says:

Grandma

I called in to see my Grandma last night and when I went to her room she was motionless and pale. She had obviously passed away in her sleep. With a tear in my eye I leaned over to kiss her cheek and it was then I noticed she was naked. My urges took over and I slipped into the bed and started to fuck her up the arse. Just as I was about to cum she lifted her head and shouted BOO!!!

Now what kind of sick cunt pretends to be dead??

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david1991

Joined:

Apr 12

Posts: 24

david1991 says:

College

What do you call a ned at college??


the cleaner

[This Reply has been modified by the Author]

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babyrocket

Joined:

Aug 11

Posts: 3746

babyrocket says:

talker

A student brings a girl he picked up back to his flat and, after going through the house, the girl notices a giant gong and a mallet. She asks him what it's for and he replies, "It's a talking clock."
She's amazed and asks him how it works, so the student proceeds to pick up the mallet and hit the gong as hard as he can.

The two stand there for a moment, before a voice from the other side of the wall screams, "What are you fucking playing at, it's three fifteen in the fucking morning!"

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RogerRSV

Joined:

Jul 09

Posts: 309

RogerRSV says:

I have ADHD...............

that's attention deficit.....................ooh look it's a butterfly.

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