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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

Time to start a new 'Jokes' thread

Since the old one is now full of blank pages.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Best chat up line of 2011 as voted for by loose women

"I might only have a small dick but I can lick the crumb's from the bottom of a Pringles tin"  :tongue:

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  • Posted 4 years ago (26 February 2011 16:47)

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Boult

Joined:

Mar 07

Posts: 3215

Boult says:

Tehy developed

a cure for dyslexia!


That's music to my arse!

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

The human body has..

..an estimated 7 trillion nerves..........it's absolutely amazing that women know how to get on every single fookin one of them.  :wacko:

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calamityjane

Joined:

Jun 12

Posts: 3514

calamityjane says:

shakespeare

walks into a pub... Barman shouts, " get out ya bard"

 

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Boult

Joined:

Mar 07

Posts: 3215

Boult says:

.

3 cliff walkers fell to their deaths earlier today  -  what a coincidence them all having the same name......:ph43r:

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KWAKZ750S

Joined:

Aug 08

Posts: 514

KWAKZ750S says:

Olympics

The Somali Olympic team have apologised to the IOC.  Apparently they didn't know sailing and shooting were 2 separate events.

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stevebaldy

Joined:

Aug 07

Posts: 6038

stevebaldy says:

......

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell youafirst that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi Keith."

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enfieldturbo

Joined:

Jun 12

Posts: 583

enfieldturbo says:

In an

 effort to encourage people to get their five-a-day, my local baker has been adding vegetables to his bread.

Unsurprisingly, his 'pea-dough' isn't his best seller.

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enfieldturbo

Joined:

Jun 12

Posts: 583

enfieldturbo says:

I was

 standing at the urinals taking a piss when suddenly I let out the wettest fart ever.

The bloke standing next to me laughed and said, "Fuck! You might want to go and see a doctor about that."

"It's fine" I giggled "Just breaking wind..."

He said, "I was talking about the lump on your cock."

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KWAKZ750S

Joined:

Aug 08

Posts: 514

KWAKZ750S says:

Young lad

Why should you never marry a virgin from West Lothian???

 

 

Cos if she aint good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for yours

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RogerRSV

Joined:

Jul 09

Posts: 306

RogerRSV says:

Yesterday........

some bloke questioned my masculinity...........


So I threw my cup of lavender tea in his face.

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