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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

Time to start a new 'Jokes' thread

Since the old one is now full of blank pages.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Best chat up line of 2011 as voted for by loose women

"I might only have a small dick but I can lick the crumb's from the bottom of a Pringles tin"  :tongue:

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  • Posted 4 years ago (26 February 2011 16:47)

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

Tourrettes 100m final...

On your marks.....:blink:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get set.....:blink:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FUCK OFF.....:shock:...:shock:...

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KWAKZ750S

Joined:

Aug 08

Posts: 514

KWAKZ750S says:

Reminds me of a song

Old Macdonald had Tourettes,

EE,Aye EE aye CUNT!!!!

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

I took a

Fat bird out for a meal last night. The waiter asked "Would you like to order?"    I said    "She'd like a steak and I'd like the fish please".... The waiter said "Would you like the head and tail left on?"... I replied  "Yes please, I reckon she can eat a whole cow"....:lol:

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Boult

Joined:

Mar 07

Posts: 3215

Boult says:

Funny

profession teaching.......one minute you're taking the register, the next minute you're on one.....:blink:

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beaconsman

Joined:

Sep 09

Posts: 1766

beaconsman says:

teechers..

my missus is a histry teecheah,,(see what i donded there)!:biggrin:

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.



From the Daily News comes this story of a Stockton-on-Tees couple who drove their car to Asda, only to have their car break down in the car park. The husband told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The RAC mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead!!               :lol::lol::lol:

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Valko

Joined:

May 12

Posts: 128

Valko says:

the waiter is bringing the soup

with his thumb soaked in.

The client who has ordered the soup says angrily:

What the hell you are thinking you are doing?

The waiter: Sorry Sir I've got arthritis and need to keep my thumb in hot and warm place.

The client: Why don't you put it up in your ass then?

The Waiter: Where do you think it was before the soup?

:lol:

[This Reply has been modified by the Author]

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Valko

Joined:

May 12

Posts: 128

Valko says:

any idea how one armed cook

is doing stuffed peppers :lol:

[This Reply has been modified by the Author]

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

...

"
Yossel worked in a
Ukrainian pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist..
...
After six months, the therapist gave up.
He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.
The next day he came home from work very early.
His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.
Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.
Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband.
She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.
She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"
Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too.

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1990

mobileenoph says:

///

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have n...
o water. Would you like to buy a tie?They are only $5.”

The Taliban shouted, “Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!”

“OK,” said the old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.”

Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead and said,

“Your brother won’t let me in without a tie!” :lol:

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