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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

Time to start a new 'Jokes' thread

Since the old one is now full of blank pages.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Best chat up line of 2011 as voted for by loose women

"I might only have a small dick but I can lick the crumb's from the bottom of a Pringles tin"  :tongue:

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  • Posted 4 years ago (26 February 2011 16:47)

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

........chickens.........

A priest had a small flock of chickens, but the prize rooster went missing, and he didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next Sunday he queried:
"Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no, I mean has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, no, I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
All the nuns stood up!

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KWAKZ750S

Joined:

Aug 08

Posts: 514

KWAKZ750S says:

How do you

How do you get a nun pregnant?

 

 

Dress her up as an altar boy

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Boult

Joined:

Mar 07

Posts: 3215

Boult says:

If

you had to choose between the wife, and winning the lottery, which bike would you buy first?

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KWAKZ750S

Joined:

Aug 08

Posts: 514

KWAKZ750S says:

Two Altar Boys

2 Altar Boys were sitting waiting to go for confession.

 

One says to the other one " What do you think the priest will get for sodomy?"

 

The other replied " 2 bars of chocolate"

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snev

Joined:

Jan 11

Posts: 7558

snev says:

KWAK

I don't get it....:mellow:

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snev

Joined:

Jan 11

Posts: 7558

snev says:

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.....

I was Only Joking.......:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

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KWAKZ750S

Joined:

Aug 08

Posts: 514

KWAKZ750S says:

The truth about the church

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VABSoHYQr6k

 

ROTLFMAO, although I don't recall my priest doing this.

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

..

A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her.

He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used ...it, she answered, ''Yes, we use it when we have sexual intercourse.''

The interviewer was amazed. He said, ''I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose. But I know that most people really use it for sexual intercourse, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it for sexual intercourse?''

''Of course! Well we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out!''  :lol:

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

////

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her.
‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.
‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’
‘No, Silly,’ the blonde said, ‘first I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, I just p...aid $6,000.00 for these implants. I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’
‘So then?’ asked the doctor.
‘Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, ‘I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.’
‘So then?’ asked the doctor.
‘Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: ‘This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

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mobileenoph

Joined:

Jun 07

Posts: 1988

mobileenoph says:

##

A blonde patient sees her doctor because she really wants to loose weight. He prescribes a special low-fat/low-carb diet which she follows exactly.

After three weeks she comes back to a check-up all happy because she already lost 15 pounds. However it seems that she developed an insatiable hunger for sex with her husband.

"That's a quite normal reaction." explains the doctor and tells her not to worry.

Another three weeks later she returns for yet another control visit and is devistated.

"What's wrong?" the medic asks her, as she sits crying in front of him.

"Oh, Doc! I feel so bad. You know with all that insatiable sex and me being horny for my hubby, I bit off one of his balls last night."

The doctor puts his arm around the sobbing woman. "Don't you worry. One testicle can't have more than 60 calories.":lol:

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