Motorcycle Forums

@Sallison30.  I'm a plod collision investigator, which is a specialist branch of traffic in general. Should I ever have the need to visit YOUR family, to explain how and what the investigation into your death entails and what they can expect at the end of it, I shall take great comfort from the fact that I am trying, as vermin, to do all I can for someone that thought I was a bit of shit. Wind your scaly neck in, grow up and if you want to make childish comments, write to a kid's comic.

I've been doing this for more years than I care to remember and have heard all the crap that gets spouted by the uneducated, so this should be water off a duck's back, but sometimes, just sometimes, I get fucking sick of it.

This is one of those times.

I've been pulled over in many different countries and have only once had a problem with traffic policemen. (I was doing something stupid and he had no evidence -only a good suspicion, so he tried to ticket me for running a red light - I was able to prove wasn't the case, and that he couldn't see the lights from where he was) In general I've found them to be sane and reasoned.. with a tendency to give you a bollocking if they think you need it, but otherwise nicer than your average plod. If you're dead to rights, just admit it otherwise explain your actions in a calm and non-confrontational manner. When I've have a reason for what I did that fits with what they saw, they've always been reasonable to me. (including once where some total gent tried to ram me off the road and I had to do a runner, straight into a speed trap at 100+. I was so pleased to see them that they believed me) In general, if you've been an idiot expect a bollocking. They're trying to shock you into more reasonable behaviour, cos they know you'll remember the bollocking for longer than the £60 ticket.

50/50 so far...

Been pulled twice.  The 1st time, the guy was on his own (a Sergeant).  I had an illegal plate (one line is a beacon to them) and a loud exhaust.  Took off the helmet, called him sergeant and he was very fair with me.  Could've given me a ticket, forced proof of change of the reg plate and general ball ache, instead said 'I know you'll get it changed'.  I did - with a 7 x 5.  Just about evades their radar as it's big enough on two lines ;-)

2nd experience not so.  I was clocked at 99 on the motorway - static BMW with a laser gun on the raised 'for police use only' ramps. The lanes were fairly empty but speeding is speeding I guess? In a few minutes I had two coppers asking me if I knew how many people had died on motorcycles in the last 5 years in Wiltshire. What sort of question was that? 'Sorry mate, I haven't a clue but am sure you're going to tell me'.  Columbo pointed out I had been leaning over too far for the road by looking at the bobbled edge of my rear tyre (from a previous track day) - now he was just looking for stuff and I had been courteous the whole time.  Kill engine, remove helmet, look sorry....  I just smiled and accepted the bollocking, the 3 points and £60 fine.  I refrained from a rolling stoppie when I remounted.

As per most of the comments on here, all depends on who you get,  Whether they are having a good or bad day.  So just bite your tongue, nod and hope it's your lucky day.  At worse, rub your forehead with your middle finger if you think it's not possible to sweet talk them round.  Unless you've been a complete risk taking dick, in which case I hope they throw the book at you. 

p.s. Billysollocks needs to have a cup of tea and calm down.  It's just a forum mate.  No need to swear.

billysollocks

fortunatly when it all goes "shut shape" we call the real police who actually turn out to be quite decent guys alot of them, however bellends like yourself do a fukin good job of proving exactly why all us on motorbikes dont like you! and looking at your last comment no ones tarring you with any sort of brush, you've done that quite well yourself. Do one!

ENOUGH NAME CALLING

The post was asking what to say when stopped by plod. Not who can be the most insulting on the forum.

The simple fact anyone is commenting on here suggests we all have one thing in common. WE ARE ALL BIKERS. So enough of the insults.

OK, as well as a biker, I'm also Plod, I also used to be Traffic.  So when you're stopped be poilte and speak to the officer the way you would want to be spoken to yourself. Being gobby is a sure fire way to talk yourself into a ticket, when you were only going to get a bollocking. 

Most car traffic are also motorcyclists. They all love driving/riding in all its forms. They can and do change their mind on how they are going to deal with you, depending on your manner.

Like sillybollocks I also get sick and tired of some of the rants on here. Sometimes I can sympathise, but not when it's just abuse for the sake of it.  His initial mpost was consturctive and even told you how to complain about police. All he gets for his trouble is insults.

@Sillybollocks- that works both ways. Like you I'm an old dinosaur, in my last year, but I don't think you've done us any favours with your ranting, you've simply reduced yourself to their level, and taken me and a lot of others with you - so thanks for that.