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Tom92r

Joined:

Jul 13

Posts: 1

Tom92r says:

Girlfriend afraid of me riding after accident

Hi,


Just over 5 weeks ago my girlfriends dad was unfortunately killed in a bike accident involving another car. Me and my girlfriend were witnesses to this accident on my bike. We believe neither the car driver or her dad was at fault. Since the accident quite understandably she does not want me to ride again, the problem is that I miss riding and I know her dad would not want me to stop. We have spoke about it recently and she knows I need to get back to biking, I guess she is afraid something may happen to me. I'm not afraid or nervous of getting back on the bike. Is there anyone who has been through something similar that could maybe give me some advice.

Thanks

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  • Posted 2 years ago (07 July 2013 16:01)

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philehidiot

Joined:

Feb 09

Posts: 4758

philehidiot says:

You either

do it or don't.


It's as simple as that. If you're going to ride again then just do it. She knows you need to and she seems logical enough to understand this. The emotions are going to be there whether you ride again now or in a years time. The only downside is that if you do it in a year your skill set will have degraded and you'll be at higher risk of an accident.

You may end up just ringing her to say you've got places safely just to reassure her for a bit. She'll know she's being irrational but that's not going to stop the worry that after she's lost one man close to her, she might lose another.

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weasel64

Joined:

Mar 07

Posts: 3182

weasel64 says:

tom....

yeah had something similar happen to me in 1999 , ya just gotta get back on , re; the accident im sorry for you all but accidents happen man aint nowt we can do to stop em ..

lifes a bitch & all that , but yer only here once so enjoy the fugger ..

your girlfriend is understandably ' touchy ' , but you've already made yer mind up , as phil said , ring her up or text her when you arrive , only takes sec's & it reassures em a bit ,

I aint gonna go into detail on here about my " similar " , but im still riding :wink:

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Diablere

Joined:

Dec 12

Posts: 1437

Diablere says:

a Big group of my friends

witnessed another friend's fatality going back a decade or more ago.

out of 5 of us who saw it i'm the only one still riding, its tough and something you have to work through yourself!

what you have to do is be aware of your girlfriends grief, in my opinion 5 weeks is  likely too soon for her! i think you need to respect that atm and stay off them for a bit longer!

just my opinion!

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calamityjane

Joined:

Jun 12

Posts: 3587

calamityjane says:

I agree with

Diablere. Give her time, she is still grieving. It may be hard for you, but imagine what it is like for her? It's still very raw .Especially as she witnessed it!  Respect her wishes for the time being, she's obvioulsly been brought up around bikes, but needs a bit of security right now.  Personally I would hang fire,  I can understand the need to get back on your bike, but right now,  she needs you x

 

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geoffart

Joined:

Apr 08

Posts: 1036

geoffart says:

bikes

it worries me a bit that you can mention back accidents and nearly every bikers who got some length of riding has personal experience of an accident. 


bikes are dangerous and i guess her fear is not irrational at all. im just recovering myself from having my ankle crushed when a van slammed into the side of my stationary motorcycle. ive not been to the shop to buy anything since the day of the accident 2nd may 20 luckily this time surgery repaired my body. but it cab just happen and not be our fault. 

the biggest thing i missed? riding of course. i feel like i would be incomplete if i gave it up. maybe you shoukd just wait a while

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smidget

Joined:

Nov 07

Posts: 2423

smidget says:

Hi Tom

First off my condolences to you, your girlfriend, her family and friends.

It's a sad thing which has happened and it is reasonable for her to believe that her way of thinking is the sensible thing to do but to put a ban on your riding is a bit dictatorial.

If another family member is killed in a car accident are you going to be stopped from travelling in four wheeled transport?

Whilst working in the funeral business I have see the results of many accidental causes of death one being a person who got out of bed to open the balcony door, they tripped and fell into the glass of the door and died as a result. If this had been a family member would you be banned from opening glass doors?

If you want to continue to ride then do so, your girlfriend will have to make her mind up as to how she deals with YOUR decision, it won't be a good relationship if you quit and spent your remaining days wishing you had continued riding. Harsh I know but rethink why you started riding in the first place.

As has been said text or call to let her know you have arrived at your destination.

[This Reply has been modified by the Author]

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spondonste

Joined:

Aug 02

Posts: 2736

spondonste says:

How dare you think you should have choices.

The reality is that absolutely everyone on this planet will die (irrespective of life choices or what they choose to do or don't do). For me somebody else dying on the road has no baring on whether I ride or not. It is a given that I will ride my bike in the same way that I'm going to breath/ eat/ sleep etc.

You could equally suggest she never be allowed to drive or ride a bicycle because motorists and cyclist die every day. I'm sure she would come back with some justification as to why her choices are so much safer than others but it amounts to the same thing.

 

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Steveyman

Joined:

Jan 08

Posts: 616

Steveyman says:

Take your time

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I can't speak from experience, but I do have a suggestion.

First of all give her time, then if you are thinking of getting back onto a bike, you may already be a great rider but maybe give her some assurance that you will be safe, by doing some advanced training, not saying that you need it but at least you are doing something positive, rather than doing nothing and expecting to carry on where you left off, do some advanced training with the IAM or Rospa to assure her that you intend to ride as safe as possible. This doesn't mean you can't enjoy riding a bike.

I met loads of riders, that were getting back into riding after accidents, had lost their confidence.

Maybe something like this could help?

I would imagine girlfriends, partners or wives would be a lot happier knowing that you have had training to the best level possible.

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eatcs01

Joined:

Aug 02

Posts: 3270

eatcs01 says:

accident

Someone must have been at fault, or there would not have been a crash...

Ride the bike. You could get run over while crossing the road tomorrow...

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beaconsman

Joined:

Sep 09

Posts: 1766

beaconsman says:

rider modes

I left Willingham woods on Sunday about 2-30 ish, heading towards the cadwell turn off for bully hill top...

on the hill before this there is a nasty bend with solid lines...(i mean the road markings btw)..why oh why, would you overtake..Point no1 (as an observer) to cross solid lines..and no2.  on a blind crest with a corner ...??  I just shook my head and turned off the opposite way...shocking demonstration of riding in my own opinion..

Ride..just do it, I like going for a little bimble on my own..my zzr be ready soon so will be taking it easy as riding a bandit 600 at the mo..mywife hates bikes but its my chill out time away from the children..(that i look after mon-fri full time)..

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