Xena XX10 Disc Lock Alarm, £64.99
Time owned: 18 months
What’s good: It’s a formidable disc lock and self-arming alarm. By means of jiggery pokery, it can tell whether or not it’s attached to a disc.
When it is, the slightest movement will set off a piercing alarm. When it isn’t, it won’t. It’s a handsome gadget in stainless steel.
What’s not: After about a year of ownership it developed gadget dementia and started getting confused about whether or not it was attached to a disc.
As a result its movement-sensitive alarm would be constantly activated. On several occasions its excruciating shriek persisted in my pocket, creating a very convincing impression of a thief riding a stolen bike.
Once I pulled into work with its 120dBs belting out of my topbox. After arriving one day at the Ace Café with it going off under my seat, I placed it on a wall to shut it up.
When I looked back, some fool had nicked it (it must have chosen to finally deactivate in the meantime). I wasn’t particularly upset.